I asked him about sushi but he declined saying he had to drive into the studio because people were making comments that he's rarely there these days. Ok. At least he didn't say, "I don't want to hang out with you so no", right? Could have been worse. I'll ask again next week perhaps when he has D.
I went into the studio to ask him about sushi, to tell him i got a message from his doctor and to pass that message on and to say goodnight but we ended up talking for about 30 minutes.
He's a negative guy all around so he was mostly doing the talking and complaining about our friends' kids and how some are so whiny and needy. He started to convo saying how proud he was of D7 who is independent and a trooper and that turned into how so many of her friends are not, blah, blah, blah... I think he caught his negativity because he said at the end, "all of this negativity to say that I'm super proud of D7 for being who she is". I just listened. I was kind of disappointed to continue the old style conversations of people bashing and negativity. It's just more of the same but I'll take it.
After our talk I nonchalantly said, "So, I'm off to bed. Wanna hug?" and he said, "Oh, SURE" and it was a nice hug. Tight but not lingering. I'll take it.
He decided to leave the studio at that time. I was upstairs washing my face and I get three texts from H. I check them and he said he'd left his keys inside the house and can't get in (it's a forgetful guy, always has been, he is the poster child for adult ADHD). I tell him I'll be right down. I had no make up on but my hair was brushed out and shiny, I was wearing a white tank sans bra and undies (I was about to hop into bed!). I opened the front door to hand him his keys and he stopped, smiled, said, "oh! now that's a greeting!" I said, "well, I was almost in bed! Here are your keys." and I tossed them at him. He turned around with a smile on his face.
I think there are worse images for him to have in his head as he leaves.
I'm reading The Solo Partner. It's quite profound and exhausts me after about three pages. I noticed that I have trouble doing any of the reactivity worksheets because it's almost like I can't remember what our triggers are. I KNOW one of my biggest problems is how reactive I am and how tightly wound I am when I feel attacked so I know the exercise will be beneficial but I feel like I've changed so much that I can't remember how he reacts when I push his buttons or how I react when he pushes mine. How can I forget so quickly?! I remember how I FEEL inside with the heart pounding and the sweaty palms and the fight or flight response in my body but beyond that my head is blank. Denial? Who knows.
It's still good work to do, that's for sure.
This morning D7 and I had a dance party on the way to school. Earth Wind and Fire's September has a way of sparking a dance craze with us. Plus, she wanted to show me that she had memorized Thrift Shop in its entirety. This mom is so proud (ha!). Off to yoga and to put forth vibes into the Universe of peace, grace and strength (and to hear back about that damn job!).
