It sounds like we're going through similar things at the same time then. You're right when you said that ultimatums don't work, she's said yesterday and today after the second round of discovering sexting between the two of them that the rules I've laid down and preparing for separate lives has made her feel driven away and controlled.
Total wayward SCRIPT. Right up there with "I don't want to see ANYONE right now, I just want to be single for awhile (while they're busy fooling around with OM or OW)."
"Controlling" = "YOU WON'T LET ME CARRY ON MY AFFAIR UNENCUMBERED!! bwwwaaaahhhhh!!!!"
