My DB coach originally said NOT to leave her alone with kids immediately and to stay there temporarily. My W threw a fit and said she can't have me in house due to her fear of me. Fortunately I had a meeting with my DB coach set up for today so I asked W if she'd like to join on be call, the idea being if my DB coach was cool with me leaving then I'd leave. She joined me on the call, and we had a good discussion. W had some valid reasons to be uncomfortable with me there so coach said we could work out other arrangements. Coach seemed tough on me but it was good, I hope my W remembers how validated she felt and how fair coach was. May plant a small seed.
In the meantime W is fully recommitted to D. Says she didn't mean to mislead me, but that we can't work in a marriage. She likes that I am doing better with the kids and wants me to find ways to take them for a weekend so she can have some adult time. Personally she still seems a bit contradictory. She had a beer in her hand, which immediately after hospital release when you know social services might check in AND you just got off a three month bender...I get she's celebrating the release but seemed odd. Then she talked about finding herself vs having companionship, but made a point to say I could date and talked about how she missed days on the pill and needed to get back on her birth control.
Whatever. Not my journey. It hurt really bad to have her mislead me, then to go through that scare, then to have 5 days with the children with my living situation in the air and with tension so intense one bad move would've started a custody war, only to do an awesome job across the board but be rejected again. Not being wanted in my family is horrible.
Back to working on me. This was an emotional backslide (or I wasn't as detached as I thought). Gotta focus on me again and take care of myself. It feels bad but I'm doing my best and I'm proud of the choices I'm making.
Me:38 XW:38 T:11 years M:8 years Kids: S14, D11, D7 BD/Move out day: 6/17/14, D final Dec 15
