I can understand why you'd lose (and miss) his family. I guess when there's a separation or divorce, he gets his own family in the settlement but that group of friends? He doesn't just "get them". Step in there, reach out. Keep them as your friends. Good friends, true good friends don't take sides. They like you for YOU and they like him for HIM (even though he's not really him these days). Hold them to that standard. I have. And I don't let my friends talk smack about H. I don't want to hear it and it doesn't make me feel better.
We're all adults (ok, it's debatable about H, I know). Everyone should be able to be civil to each other even if it's just for the kids. Just because they are hanging with H doesn't mean you can't be their friend. If anything, it's a great opportunity for you to show how you're doing.
When I hang out with mutual friends of ours I make sure to look great, wear something nice, speak kindly of H, talk about all the amazing things happening in my life, laugh, make jokes... it all gets back to him somehow. "Oh, Ss seems to be doing really well! She looks great and is really involved with X and Y. How are you doing, Ss-H?"
I know it's just one more thing to deal with. I'm cheering for you, Claire.
