My W and I were good friends with this couple. We spent a lot of time together over the last 5 years. He works outdoors and he can be around our house during the day whenever he wants, while I am stuck at work. He was also doing some renovation work on our house. He would stop by my house daily for years, but I trusted my W as much as I trusted myself. It sounds sickening, but in one of the emails I eventually discovered, my W referred to him as a "brother-husband".
W is a SAHM. He had said inappropriate things to her in the past and she told me about it, further lulling me into a false sense of security. He was having problems with his M. I suggested MC, but he began confiding in my W instead.
About 2 months before D-day #1 (8/2013 - on our anniversary) he texted her about his "dreams" and she took the bait. Thus began EA. It became physical (oral sex), and they were about to consummate when his W found out. My W initially told me he tried to kiss her, but then I found emails proving it was mutual, followed by weeks of trickle truth.
Months of IC and MC. MC was very passive and just kept asking me to love on her. I have no idea what her IC did. She never showed much remorse and less interest in helping me heal. She became ambivalent about the R after about 4 months. Eventually she stopped telling me she loves me, and we stopped being intimate. It seems like it took me too long to forgive her. MC never encouraged her to work on M. I don't know when she reestablished contact with OM or if she ever really truly broke contact with him in the first place. He is in the process of D.
When W insisted on separation even after I had made drastic sweeping changes to myself (see book "the Garden of Peace" by Shalom Arush, for example), I knew she still had not sealed all the exits in our R. A few weeks later (7/2014) I caught her leaving his house - crouched in the back seat of his car.
I know it unusual, but there really was no unhappiness leading up to the affair. We had a great 2 week family trip right before D-day and it was amazing. I acknowledge that I was more dominant and got my way more often than she did, and she never asserted herself. I also acknowledge that I was unbending when it came to parenting and religious matters.
