1 step forward, 1000 steps back - part 6

[Train]

When are you going to learn to develop patience??! If you cannot be patient for one month, think about being patient for the next 40 years of your marriage ... Why don't you learn how to be patient now and for the next few months for it will pay huge dividends down the road for YOU and the family?

Exactly. And more timely and pressing: how will you be patient during the months/years of piecing??

That actually reminds me of something else I meant to bring up earlier. I feel in this thread, ALL we have discussed for months is how to GAL and how to re-attract H. What I haven't seen recently (and that could be due to me simply missing it) is any discussion of what permanent changes you, mdu, are making to YOU to help make sure this breakdown doesn't happen again in your M. Cultivating patience and letting go of some control, I think, are HUGE obstacles for you. And when I see someone who repeats the same behavior (pushing and rushing) even though it has reaped negative results (your H pulling away), I have to think that person either hasn't identified it's something they have an issue with, or s/he either refuses to fix it or hasn't spent enough time with him/herself to adequately work on it.

I'm on "this side" of the A-busting, and I don't know HOW I could possibly be here, almost five months later, if I hadn't let go of some of my nagging, destructive behaviors while H was gone. Its hard work to make sustainable changes in ourselves. And, even if we have made them, it's hard work on this side of the A. You HAVE to be in tip-top emotional shape to get through it, IMO. I can't tell you how important patience, grace, letting go of anger/resentment - and STFU - are in the first few weeks and months at least.

Until your H fully re-commits and asks you what it will take to move back home, use the time to work on developing these things. That's the entire premise of DBing anyway. Re-attracting them is only a small part.