FTR, we were not legally separated when we went to a mediator to hash out a parenting plan. It fell under a Memorandum of Understanding. They were "rules" that the court would order if we were filing for legal separation or divorce (in Colorado, it's one and the same). I wasn't feeling the pressure to initiate legally, but I wanted something that we could use so that we'd know what to expect going forward either way.
My girls were 8 and 5 (almost 9 and 6) when my XH moved out. So we had a pretty similar plan as the one you said. He took them to dinner or back to his place for dinner on M & W evenings and every other weekend. As they got a little older and we were in the swing of things, it turned into overnights on M and W for my youngest and some of the time for my oldest. Her schedule dictated that, and her dad totally understood. But she also understood that I wasn't cooking dinner on either of those nights, so if she thought otherwise, I reminded her. She was at least 15 then, though. Anyway, make it so that you can work out or get a massage or go to dinner with friends while he's in charge (and in town).
Our mediator told my now XH that it would factor into the child support formula, so if he consistently bagged on me, I could reapproach and ask for more $ to accommodate having to parent. My XH isn't one to dodge his kids, so he didn't need the financial threat to keep his word with them. But I have several friends who only got this because of the threat.
Just so you know where your leverage is, in those days whenever he had to travel, I asked for "reimbursement" for weekends that were my scheduled weekends. It wasn't that I didn't want or love my girls. I did and do. And I missed them. But I clearly knew that I needed my own time too. Even if I didn't get quid pro quo, he understood from the get go that he would have to give to get.
In our session with the mediator, we also set holiday/birthday schedules, the days that the kids had off from school, breaks and vacations. Those are all specified in that MOU that was eventually converted into our D decree. And we don't use any of it anymore. The first year we followed it to a T and were all miserable. The next year, one of us raised the white flag and we started to make some changes. But it was really important then to have something in writing that the court would enforce if things went awry. I needed it, Maybell. And I needed the kids to know that I was going to make every attempt at keeping their dad in their daily life to the extent I could.
I won't lie... in the beginning, he was a real a*hole. But I just let it slide off my back, I didn't react, and as he could see the girls move toward me, he stepped it up and decided to be nicer about everything. I think he realized that he was being a childish a$$ and decided he didn't want the girls to see me act nice and him like a butt.
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She did ask me the other day if I was spending Thanksgiving with them and when I said I didn't think so, she flinched.
Maybe you could come back to her and say something like, "I know you want things the way they used to be. I'm not sure if that's going to happen. But let me and Dad see what we can do." And leave it at that? Let her see your efforts to create something that will work best for her and her siblings. (Believe me, I know that you can read that it probably won't be what YOU want, I get that.)
I'll tell you personally that the first year, I had TG and he had Christmas. It was AWFUL. We were all collectively miserable. I'd go so far as to say pathetic. Pathetic with a capital P. And you add me being really angry that I wasn't spending Christmas with my girls, and you get a mess. (I spent it with my friend and her family and it was fine and fun in the grand scheme.) Whenever he brought the girls back home, he waved a white flag. He told me that my now D20 cried all day, had a difficult time eating, and didn't enjoy opening up her gifts. My youngest sulked along with her. And while he was trying to be festive, they got sulkier. LOL. From that point forward, we started sharing holidays as a family again. And we never went back. It was so much easier on all of us. There's hope for everyone. I realize it might not work for other folks, but we both realized it was so much better for the girls to put up with our own discomfort.
BTW, you didn't sound bratty to me. I got it. And I fully understand and agree that this isn't what you or I or any of us here wanted.
Try to take the path that is least likely to be interpreted as combative. And maybe even vulnerable! I, too, have issues here. And the funny thing is that now I can clearly see that those issues are directly correlated and due to my trust issues. Go figure.)
Ok, time to work.
Hugs,
Betsey
Last edited by Cristy; 09/10/1409:36 PM. Reason: per forum agreement, do not use author/book references
"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
She was at least 15 then, though. Anyway, make it so that you can work out or get a massage or go to dinner with friends while he's in charge (and in town). 
The first year we followed it to a T and were all miserable. The next year, one of us raised the white flag and we started to make some changes. But it was really important then to have something in writing that the court would enforce if things went awry. I needed it, Maybell. And I needed the kids to know that I was going to make every attempt at keeping their dad in their daily life to the extent I could. 