I've been up and down so many times since I last wrote. I'm tracking the ups and downs of my interactions with Mr. Gritty on a spreadsheet (Thanks, Caliguy!). What my spreadsheet reveals in the way that even I can't ignore:
The negative interactions => me being DOWN. Obsessive. Miserable.
The positive interactions => me being UP. Light-hearted. Happy.
"Setting them free" is detachment at its purest form. I WANT to set Mr. Gritty free. All my attempts to do so, however, have been manipulative attempts to make him realize he's losing me. And so those attempts were not authentic detachment and, of course, they backfire whenever I implement them.
I want to stop being either so happy or so despairing depending on how he feels about me at any given moment. So.
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I am glad the tracking system helps, if anything it will show trends and looks like you went further and noticed the things YOU control (PMA .. or even NMA) can effect the outcomes
I to really struggle with the detach .. like you I want her to miss me and need me ... telling myself I am not detached nearly enough for this to work, I set a goal to make a point of turning down the next invite .. regardless of what it is. I need to focus on me and GAL before I lose it all. Seems she is doing a better job at DBing me than I am her .. and I have read the darn books!!!
