1 step forward, 1000 steps back - part 6

[Train]

^^^ Brilliant, zew.

I would be expecting more from my H, too, mdu. And I think some expectations are understandable at this stage. Zew just summarized beautifully what I've had a hard time putting into words here.

I *don't* think, when such amazing progress is being made right in front of your eyes, that a "sh!t or get off the pot" conversation is in order. I think that type of conversation is one you have when they're actively avoiding you and avoiding working on the M. If you have that conversation now that he's moving toward you? Hmmmm. I dunno ...

I've been thinking a lot about this in my own sitch and while reading others' stories: as I wrote about yesterday, once our WASs bite the hook, we really start allowing ourselves to feel what has happened. We also, I think, start getting a little ballsy. (It's easier to be ballsy when they're clearly on the line.) But in doing that, how quickly we abandon the DB principles and the methods we chose to re-attract them!

Judging only from my own experience, the best place to start is with an open mind and open heart, ready to work together as a team. It's quite selfless on the part of the LBS. The "release" of your feelings will have a time and place, in MC and/or when your H is re-committed to your M.

But, for whatever reason and fwiw, I don't think *now* is the time to get ballsy. That time has passed, and you chose to go a softer route. You found, in the process, that is what attracted your H back. To switch gears when things are working just makes me nervous. But that's just ME, and I'm not you or in your M. You know your H better than I do.

But all that stuff up there that zew is talking about? The patience factor, especially considering what's ahead? Yeah. Good stuff. That's what I was trying to get at yesterday.

If you're going to throw out ultimatums and/or boundaries NOW, just be sure you are TRULY prepared to deal with the consequences if H isn't ready to "sh!t or get off the pot."

I could be completely misunderstanding you, too, mdu. Zew's post just made me feel like maybe I *am* understanding ... or at least that someone else is reading what I am and seeing the same things.