The Goddess of Goats Thrives Alone on Her Mountain

[GoatGal]

Yes... the moon makes everyone crazy.
My dogs have been restless, I've been restless and antsy.

I used to work in a mental health clinic, and the crisis calls were up by 25% or more when there was a full moon.

That's just anecdotal, but every time there was a swarm of really crazy behavior from our clients, somebody would say--hey, the moon is full!

We should have marked that on the office calendar and made sure nobody took vacation.
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Anyhow, yes, as everybody said, lots of soul-searching going on.

And more unwanted advice from friends, which led to my discussion about "Rational vs. Irrational Divorce".

Maybe it should be another throwaway addition to the Huffington Post.
(Because, from what I've read, the people who write these various articles have credentials which are often suspect.)

You can find an article supporting virtually any point of view.

But if you Google "Good reasons to Divorce" "Stupid Reasons to Divorce", "Divorce Regrets"---and believe me, I have--- you'll find all kinds of crazy things.

As my H said, he read on there that his cheating on me was my fault, and that I needed to take responsibility for my inability to make him happy.

Number One in BOTH Stupid AND Good Reasons to Divorce is:
"He/She doesn't make you happy"

I rest my case on HuffPost....
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But some friends seem to think that H has made some reasonable decision and that I should just get on with it.

After all, that's how they "Would Have" done it. (Winking at you, (((Maybell))!)

They don't know about MLC, or depression, or about how people can be very irrational while in certain emotional states.

Case in point: The way I acted after I found OW was SO out of character for me, it totally freaked H out. The level of anger, grief, hysteria... I believe my reaction showed him a side of me he didn't believe existed.
It wasn't pretty.
And it certainly wasn't rational.

If I had divorced him at that time, it would have been a reaction to the pain I was in, an escape for me, a punishment for him.

But even then I knew never to make any major decisions when in a highly charged emotional state. I believe that whole "take a year after a major trauma to make major changes in your life" guideline.

H made the decision to D when he was clearly at the end of his rope emotionally, feeling trapped by the outcome of his actions, and guilty as heck over the pain and devastation he'd caused all around...
Well, in that state, D looks awfully attractive as a "solution".

Contrast that with the current situation.
I'm not sure he sees it as such a great alternative any more, but suspect he doesn't know how to back out without a lot of emotional discomfort and he has always said he doesn't want to "LOOK weak."

I believe now as I did then, that it was only done to STOP the emotional fallout that he just couldn't handle.

It was a gag order on me. And it worked.
Now I'm walking on eggshells and DBing, being friendly and nice and not saying a peep about all the awful things he's done, that I most certainly did NOT drive him to.

How nice for him!
(OK, that's snarky, but some days it's just how I feel.)


-----GGG