Feels like an eternity (Mindsin - part. 3)

[mindsin]

I don't mean to undermine what a DB coach said, but I feel somewhat strongly that if the marriage produced children, that should be acknowledged. I think the kids feel better about their existence

b/c I KNOW my oldest two kids both asked if I felt that having them, was the reason for our marital strife.

TO which I replied, "God no. Having you guys is why we work at trying to stay to together!"

Anniversaries are reminders for them of the positive impact they've had on us. Truly, if the only way I could have those children in my life, was to go thru this entire ordeal, I'd do it all again in a heartbeat. Like sending a picture of them with a note saying something along the lines of "It's still worth remembering", or "we did something right!" etc. And nothing romantic in it (that's pursuit).

Just food for thought.

I can certainly see your point. In my case, I have made a lot of effort (early on) to point out to my W of what damage D will do to our children. "Think of the children!"

Also, she feels that one of the primary reasons why she didn't leave me earlier in the marriage was because of the children.

If sense that if I go that route (sending her a photo & note), it may backfire for two reasons.

1.) It will just be a painful reminder to her of the period in her life while her H cheated on her as she was tending to her young children.

There was one time she pointed out that she was at home, 8 months pregnant with our 1st child, and she was in pain. She called and texted me to know where I was, why I wasn't home yet, etc. In the back of her mind, she had a hunch that I was out with an escort. I called her back and gave her some BS excuse of where I was, what I was doing, etc. This hurt her deeply.

2.) It will simply be "more of the same" -- me trying to manipulate her into staying in the marriage for the kids' sake.