Get your own primary account set up for your pay deposit. Then make contributions from that to your joint account, so that your joint account has no more in it than to cover reasonable monthly expenses. You can do all of this discreetly without any fanfare. No need to announce or threaten it, just do it.
Don't insist she have her own bank account - right now you have more visibility on the joint account, and if its funding is limited, the damage is limited.
Worry less about the Verizon text activity - she's going to do what she's going to do. Start collecting your e-statements on all your accounts/loans and setting them aside somewhere safe, then start figuring out what your plan is.
