If you think she's suicidal or depressed, get her to a psychiatrist ASAP. You must have services available to you in the military for situations like this? Also make an appointment for marriage counseling. I'm not sure I believe a word she's saying at this point, but if she's sincerely confused, she should be willing to go.
You haven't mentioned kids, I'll assume you don't have any? In which case, you also have to ask yourself some hard questions about this relationship and whether it is worth saving. Every awful thing you are going through right now is ten times worse when children are involved. And she has already demonstrated that she is a repeat offender. Do you want to risk going through this again in a few years with children involved?
I suggest you also see an attorney to find out how to protect yourself financially. If there is significant money in the joint accounts you may want to move half to an account in just your name so she can't wipe out the accounts.
I applaud you for your willingness to look at your own contribution and for your level head in the face of this trauma. She may just be a weak person who can't be alone, she may be depressed, or she may be a lying manipulator who enjoyed living the single life while you supprted her. You know her best.
Does she have family she could go home to live with while getting back on her feet?
