Wifes severe depression, MLC, and suicide attempt

[Lifes Twists]

I have been reading everyone's posts this week and it feels like everyone is suffering the same mood/craziness. I am wondering if it is the time of year? Kids back to school, days getting shorter, full moon. Like me, it seems a lot are aware they are having crazy dreams at night. Everyone seems a bit agitated and questioning what they are doing.

I know I am agitated. I got confirmation from lawyers that my FIL is causing trouble. I have been told to do no more work on house till things are settled. I have a court order to start coparent counseling which will cost each of us $125 per session. Not being able to work on house now leaves me feeling a bit lost and a need to find other things to do with my time.

I read a lot of us are contemplating where we stand on our divorces. I sometimes want it over now yet feel even when it is done it won't be over. Like some I feel at times a quick resolution will put me in a better place. Eventually I come back around to letting my spouse carry the load as she is the one who started it. I know I have carried the load on so many things for her over the years because of her illness. I realize now that on some of that I may have done her a disservice. I know now that I like to fix things and wanted to make her happy. I know that trying to do so may have prevented her from growing and working on her own issues. I have to let her work on her own issues, deal with her unhappiness and carry her own load. I cannot be there to catch her and carry her when she falters. So, like many others here I get frustrated that I can't fix things and fight with myself almost daily to not step in.

Today I am going to start on getting myself back to a centered place. Figure what I can do with my spare time till I can work on the house again. Today I am going to start moving forward again.