1 step forward, 1000 steps back - part 6

[mdu]

Train, I *think* ultimately what me, you and Wonka are going around about is timing. I can't imagine that either of you disagree that H ultimately should come home and be fully transparent and I shouldn't compromise. But when do I say "ok H, time to get serious, fully commit to M, come home and agree to full transparency. If not, then I will need to step away because I can't continue on like this indefinitely." I mean you have to remember, we've been on/off the piecing path pretty much from day of BD --- 6 months ago. Sh*t or get off the pot already! (I do appreciate that many others have much more patience than me, I just can only do this for so long and feel like I'm quickly approaching my limit, I see no good reason why he can't/won't firmly COMMIT. Things obviously won't be perfect but he can commit to the M and the work, right?).

I feel like a real direct conversation needs to happen at some point. I think the question is when? At this point, I'm pretty much planning on it coming up organically in MC. Honestly, my gut is that H will respond well (although I probably shouldn't assume that..). As long as the conversation is handled correctly. Not an ultimatum but a "this is what I need at this point and if you can't give me that that's OK, that's your choice but this is what I'm going to have to do to protect my heart because not having a firm commitment to the M is really hurting me".

I just feel like it's getting time that I need and deserve more and if I don't start requesting it, I'm going to start losing some self respect.