Whats up with you lately girl??..something in the water?? ..Why can't you simply go with the flow, TRUST him..and STOP being so suspicious??...You are coming off as being NEEDY and you CANNOT let him sense that or you'll be back to square 1. You have to give him space and not EXPECT him to throw love at you right away, it's just not gonna happen with this guy..
Quote: Where did he go? Out to lunch with some girl? I keep replaying in his mind his statement that being married would not stop him from dating. I wonder if that is still an option?
Hopefully not Cindy, but you improve your chances by not appearing worried or clingy and of course by NOT PRESSURING him..Instead, you do what the WINNING Cindy would do, and thats make yourself a more attractive option..which of course as we've discussed time and time again..ACT HAPPY, BE FUN, BE MYSTERIOUS, BE A CHALLENGE, BE SEXY, BE AGREEABLE..all the things us guys prefer in a woman if we're going to PURSUE them....
Quote: I think tonight I will ask if we can get together to talk about our LL
Off the record, that is BIG TIME PRESSURE...I understand your need to feel like he's gung ho into the M again, but you have to look at the nature of your H..My guess is that is a conversation he does not care to have right now, he'd rather do things at his own PACE..The last time you talked R..you had to force him to say ILY..Now think about it, if he isn't ready to say those words to you..he sure as HADES isn't going to be totally comfortable conversing on the 5 LLs..
Why don't you talk about things you have in common or that YOU know he is interested in, in an attempt to CONNECT without talking about the L word? If I were him, I'd be much more open to that..
Bring him the SI Swimsuit issue not the 5 LL's.. ..then you might get somewhere...
Remember, DRAW him back..I'm sure you know what he likes...
I went to lunch talked it out with a galfriend. She helped me to see that the statement h made regarding dating while married...was said when he was extremely angry. I need to erase it and go with what I know NOW which is:
1. H wants ME and boys to go to Florida (to meet his biological father!!!)for 10 days. 2. H is paying all costs for Florida trip! 3. H is getting refund to pay separation induced bills. 4. H invited me to his mom's home in Ohio in June for 10 days!!! 5. H sounds happy to talk to me anytime I call. 6. H does volunteer whereabout info when asked. (I don't do much of this...possible once this month.) 7. H is handling purchasing new eyeglasses for son. 8. H did set up flex-account for medical and gave me a card.
I need to focus more on positives, trust h, go with the flow, no pressure and be fun to be around and HAVE fun with or without H! Above all TRUST GOD, afterall HE can work through even those that do not believe for the good of those who do believe!
There you go! Thats what Im talking about. Its so hard to not take those evil thoughts in our heads and run with them, but we must try! We have to stay in contol!
Im glad to hear you have a smart friend who helped you realize that there are so many positives that you should be focusing on. Keep it up and Things are looking reat for you in my eyes!
Anything worth having is worth working HARD for!
Making a New Move
I seriously can't stop trying to CONTROL the situation! I'm glad though that this last 'attack' DID NOT reach h.
I won't speak to him about any thing in my previous post...it is so boring for him to be around someone that is so needy all the time! I bet his imaginary gf wouldn't behave this way! I'm only adding more fuel to my pyre by continuing to WANT things from h that he can't give right now.
I'm letting it go. I just read into his statement (ie, I wasn't thinking about going to lunch with you) and reacted on pure emotion!
Emotional response is what got me into this d the first time...I was mad, upset and filed. I need to practice more self control and give my h the benefit of the doubt.
Don't worry none of this will get to h today! I'm going to let him drive the pace of this reconciliation. I'm sure if I let him drive I'll learn lots more self control and trust.
Thanks for the whack! I'm so glad you are there for me when I need a slap upside the head!
Well my son and I had a discussion before we left to meet h for soccer game. Son wants to live with h. My son is 11.
I did not mention to h at the soccer game...was hoping it would blow over. But sons were upset that h did not come to dinner last night after soccer game. They miss him.
Anyway at restaurant son was mad, wanted me to call his dad about him coming to live there. So I left h a voicemail as to what son wanted.
Well h mentioned that he and his friend were going out last night...that is why he didn't want to come to dinner with us ! So h did not return my call regarding son.
What should I do about this? Should I call h at work ask if he got my message regarding son or wait until h gets home from work tonight?
Or maybe have son call him?
I'm getting the feeling that h will avoid this since having son live with him will cramp his single life style...but this is an assumption.
This request will definitely test h's commitment to the boys and i though...so he may be running scared. I didn't know what else to do...son wanted h to know so I called and left message. Said that I wanted h to think about it and we would discuss soon.
You left a message, its in your H's court now, LEAVE it alone until he decides to discuss it..
I'd just tell your S that it might be something your H needs to think through for a bit..because.."he wants to make sure its the right decision FOR THE FAMILY.."..or whatever you can think of to pacify the lil guy..
Then simply wait until he brings it up rather than PUSHING for an answer to satisfy your "test"...If he doesn't bring it up, that should tell you he's not too keen on the idea, you RESPECT it and keep going in the right direction..
H called after I posted! He said that he's not sure what I want to happen as far as son staying with him. H said the only thing is is he won't be driving him to school where I live now. So h is not against the boy living with him...only that he'd want son to go to school near h's house.
So I said cool well h talk it over with son, see what you 2 can work out and I'll support any decision you 2 make. I want what son wants and what will work best for you 2. H said hmmm.
So once again I left it in h's court to solve.
Then h jumped to making departure plans for Florida. Asked me what time we should leave on Saturday. I gave my opinion then said but that is contingent upon your schedule and how tired you are AFTER work. H wanted to go out with friends that night then leave for Florida Sunday. I just agreed and said lastly that whatever he wants is cool with me. He said ok I'll let you know.
I told h to have a good day and said good bye.
I think my son will appreciate more one on one time with dad even if dad says no to him moving over there.
Cindy
PS> I did better than bring a swimsuit issue to h last night...brought my happy fun-loving self! No deep convos about anything. Told h let's just make plans to just have plain old fun...go out together, go out with his friends, go out with mine, go golfing, go traveling, just plain old go have fun! H's face was full of surprise...mostly that I did not push an r talk, AND that I was not pushing working on the m. I did tell him m was important but that we've been too tied up with lawyers, counselors, etc., and need to let loose some! He said ooookkk kind of in a shocked voice.
I was hurt he chose not to eat dinner with us but to go out with his guy friend instead but oh well. We'll have 10 days together for that next week!!!
No pressure is the name of the game! Thanks for helping me out. I think I'm getting it...or at least h thinks I am!
Wow, you are doing just amazing! I think you are knocking off his rocker in his mind. This is great stuff and you should be very proud of yourself. I know its hard when certain events come up and you feel anxious but those are the moments when we are being tested. Our partners then can see us deal with those moments and look at us in a new way. You are doing exactly what is expected of you. Keep it up!
Anything worth having is worth working HARD for!
Making a New Move
..Why can't you simply go with the flow, TRUST him..and STOP being so suspicious??...You are coming off as being NEEDY and you CANNOT let him sense that or you'll be back to square 1. You have to give him space and not EXPECT him to throw love at you right away, it's just not gonna happen with this guy.. 
..then you might get somewhere... 
!
