But I don't know that we can really assume we would break up a marriage the way you describe. I think that in order to get to the point that breaking up a marriage is the right choice, you have to be a little cuckoo. If you were rational, and had been in a long-term marriage as you describe, and really cared about the other person, then the work to repair would have happened. I know I was checked out six years ago. I know for sure if I could have left my H at that time, I would have, and there would have been nothing rational, kind, or reasonable about that choice.
Maybell, you described exactly what I am thinking too. I just had a hard time expressing it. And this:
Originally Posted By: Maybell
I say this not as any kind of 2x4, but as a reminder that long-term marriages are, by their nature, emotional beasts, and "I would have done it differently" isn't really fair or knowable. I like to think I would have done it better, but I don't have any evidence at all to back that up and so it would be better not to make that assertion. Because sooner or later, it's probably going to kick me in the a$$. Almost every single "I would never have..." statement does.
I was almost a WAS six years ago too. Only now I realize that it was about me not being happy, and that my actions at that time DID hurt H. This might be the reason he is doing the same thing to me now. IDN. I also refrain from saying “I would never have” statement.
From H’s point of view, he HAD the reasons to end the marriage. It was too much for him to handle the things he didn’t like in our marriage. Was there a way to repair what was not working? Absolutely “YES”. It was not only my fault, he contributed to whatever behavior of mine was not likeable to him. He just didn’t want to do the work. He wanted a different partner where he would not have to try and everything would be happening naturally. He decided that our M didn’t work anymore and it would be beneficial for both of us to end it. Yes, he decided for me too and convinced himself that I would be better off without him.
Then, comes the rest… Wanting to be the best friends, not wanting to be the best friends, not wanting to file for D, then wanting to file for D, then not filing for D…
Wonka, it must be the full moon .
M:50 H:52 S28 (my S from previous marriage) M:17 + 3 BD: 06/12 S: 06/12 - H works in another state
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