I don't know what that feels like...having someone totally available. I've never had that experience. It would be nice to be a priority to someone. I think I could get used to it. It might feel weird at first, but I'd like to try.

This move is going to be good for me.

I'm feeling some waves of sadness...I've lived here my whole life. 20+ years in the same house. 46 years of memories. I guess that's why this pretty house in New York seems so important. I need to feel like we are moving up in the world. I'm leaving my hometown and I need to feel like I'm letting go of this life for something better. I guess I get it.

Yesterday was Smokey's birthday. I decided to take the high road and send a Happy Birthday text. I never received one myself last week on my birthday and, in the moment, it felt free and just the "right" thing to do for someone who had been in my life for so long. After, though, I caught myself looking for the reply that never came. I guess I am just not able to have any conversation with him. It messes me up. I'm better off without any contact. It's getting easier to push him away, out of my thoughts. New York will make this easier, I suspect.

"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man

“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson