WAWs or Wayward M: How to SHOW change is afoot?

[DBinSF]

Thanks, Ss06. Funny, I am a great guy. I've just put an INORDINATE amount of energy into getting affirmation from women for 90% of my life -- as in since kindergarten! It's insane to look at my insanity!

At this point, I'm at 3.5 months without as much as a holding hands with a woman. It's the longest I've gone without affection since a "dry spell" in college. It's liberating and maddening. And I'm still wasting hours a day obsessing.

I get excited thinking about all I could do and accomplish if I wasn't wasting time trying to fix my relationship. My "monastic" life is both inspiring and scary. I'm ready to be done, to be a Dad, to have a house and a bustling career. But I realize these same patterns have been cropping up my entire life.

There's no moving forward until I've moved through these issues. And as you said, patience is the hardest part. I want to be better NOW.

[DBinSF]

Hi all,

Just saying Hi. No news on the home front. Just trying to move on at this point. As painful as that is...

DB

[Maybell]

DB, sometimes it gets harder before it gets easier.

Google "how to heal a broken heart" and use the Psych Central list. It helps.

Glad to see you touching base.

[sandi2]

Have you had any therapist to give you "how to" steps in over coming these problems, or do they just listen while you talk? Have they ever told you why you have these issues?

[DBinSF]

Yes, I understand intellectually why I have these "issues" but moving from intellectual understanding to emotional understanding is not a simple process for me.

[Maybell]

Believe me, we all know that.

[Wonka]

DB,

Hope you're working with your IC on the "emotional understanding" of your issues. That requires you to dig really, really deep and being totally transparent with your IC so s/he can work in partnership with you in dismantling those patterns and establish new, healthy ones.

[DBinSF]

Thanks, Wonk. I sure am. I'm armed to the hilt with two ICs, two 12 step sponsors, and 5-8 hours a week of meetings and sessions. I'm taking this all very seriously.

[DBinSF]

From Julia: "Please do not drop letters off at my house. I don't think you understand how much I hate you."

So, there you have it. Case closed.

[JCred]

Did you drop off a letter at her house?
If you did, I must have missed the part where you mentioned it here.