So, I'm re-reading my post with 25years in the back of my mind...
I see a clear need to DETACH. (You nailed it, Maybell-- I'm sad that I'm in this situation. It's hard to not be emotional). Anyway, if I approach it like a business endeavor, I can think of some possible solutions. I guess I'm just venting here because there are so many things I want to tell him but can't, obviously.
It's his year to have preference, so I'm not going to dispute his preference. And I'm not going to tell him it's frustrating that he asked me what my preference is, but then said, "I was hoping you would say something different." It's like, he wants this to be impact-less for everyone-- he wants to be the good guy and make everyone happy. But the reality is that that is not possible.
And he's put such clear-cut boundaries on our personal R, but wants our co-parenting R to be buddy buddy, with 10 emails back and forth to figure out one holiday. Maybe eventually I will be there, but I don't think I'm there yet. Maybe this is about me wanting to have clear-cut boundaries on our co-parenting, too.
And, of course, that's not going to bring him closer to me. Do I care anymore?
I think I'm going to offer a suggestion that fits his preference, face whatever disappoint I get from my family and make it work for me as best as possible.
In other news, he's out of town this week-- it's much easier for me this way. And, I get to show myself that I am completely capable of taking care of her, taking out the garbage, moving the car, paying the bills (well, writing and mailing the checks, anyway), keeping my household running smoothly while working full time all by myself. While fighting a cold. When my D3 gets up in the middle of the night saying "Mama, I'm scared,"
Just tired of all of this right now. So, I'll respond in a detached way and keep on keeping on.
