Quote: Don't let those worries get the best of you now....you are just beginning to reconnect and work together. (Sure thoughts are gonna sneak in that make you crazy, negative, angry, etc....let them go, give them to God and tred lightly for now.)
I'm back on steady ground (well there is a tremble now and then) this morning. You are right...I've got to let those worries GO and let God take care of what h does. God will look out for me...if there is some secret h has God will reveal it (He's done that before!). So I'm going to trust God, He's gotten me this far.
Right when I thought it was OVER the first time, the second time, the third time, the FOURTH time, h came back. So you keep your head up too!
Remember if God is for US, who can be against us? Not even H!
Yes, you should be doing the things we talk about OVER and OVER no matter where you are in your sitch..
ACT HAPPY, NO R TALK, NO D TALK, BE CONFIDENT, HAVE FUN WITH HIM OR WITHOUT HIM, BE SEXY, BE APPRECIATIVE..ZERO PRESSURE, I MEAN ZERO..and continue to make the changes that he says he needed to see..
Now is when you have to be PATIENT with him, he's easing his way back in the way HE WANTS to..so you just have to let him initiate, which he is doing..
If he slacks off, then of course you back off and go back to being mysterious, not being too accessible...not letting him think you're hooked. Your H, like most WAs seems to respond when you give him a little challenge, so...
I think you really just have to let him go at his own pace, its much better than where I'm at..D court TODAY...
Ok as a sign of faith I put all the tax return stuff in h's hands. Told him that separately I could get lots of money to pay off separation induced bills (ie, attorney) but that I would leave it up to him to decide what was best for US.
Well surprise...he agreed to pay so that I could recoup the greatest amount of money.
At one point I let it slip that I felt he was trying to get the biggest amount so that he could split it and get a bigger half. He said no I'm looking to get the biggest refund for US!! And that he and I could sit down and get a list of bills to pay off with the refund!!!
Gosh, just when I thought he wasn't going to do something for US this week!! It's nice to know he has an us in mind though in relation to the tax refund I guess that is the best way to go. He did say that he worked out all kinds of scenarios, at least 9, that I could look at to see if it was the best way to go.
I'm just really glad he's willing to pay bills I've incurred while we've been separated....I think that's promising!
Answer~ they are aliens! Been through this crap for months. One time H won't do a thing with D's the next he falls all over himself trying to help them.
I just learn to step back from the drama and let H do whatever he thinks is right. I no more step in and remind him he is a father. All I worry about is ME being a mother, LOL! And that works for me! Because if they don't want to keep a R going with their children, it's not our fault.
LOL, in our dog is giving my H the cold shoulder! MAkes me want to laugh! Because it's us that keep a R going with kids and aniimals that win; we have their respect and love, our H loose out! LMAO!
Not sure why he wouldn't want to spend 1.5 hours with the kids, thats a good question.. ..Well at least he IS planning vacations with them so...
All you can do is just keep watching his actions and take notes..On the one hand, he's not filing, taking care of bills and tax refunds, scheduling vacations..on the other hand..he can't spend a little time with the kids and you have to drag "ILY" out of him..Guess you take the good with the not so good, and at the end of the day, you decide what it is you want out of a life long mate...In the end you'll accept him for who he is, or you decide you deserve better for yourself..the choice is always YOURS..
In the meantime of course...you just ACT HAPPY just as things are...
Ok, this is mainly a vent because I'm starting to feel out of sorts!
Called h to find out if he was coming to see me for lunch or convo:
M:Hey you are home! H: Yeah, where do you think I would be? M:(Laugh) Oh, the selections are endless but I'm not going to let my mind go there. So are you coming here for lunch? H: No, I wasn't thinking about it. M: Oh, ok then we'll see you tonight. Bye H: Ok, good bye.
After that call I make an appointment with MC for tomorrow. MC asks if it will be h and I...I say no just me.
So then I call h back (not but 5 minutes later) and he's GONE! I leave a message about MC.
Where did he go? Out to lunch with some girl? I keep replaying in my mind his statement that being married would not stop him from dating. I wonder if that is still an option? Should I try to find out? Ask where he's been? What he's doing at lunch?
I'm just wondering for someone that wants their m, why is he not pursuing? I'm thinking maybe I should tell him how I would feel loved if he did a,b and c. I think tonight I will ask if we can get together to talk about our LL.
Cindy, Well I am not completley aware of your situation and Im not sure how long ago it was that your husband said that about dating while married. He may have been testing you then to see your reaction. I cant say for sure the reaction but I personally do not think you should let this wiegh you down. Try to avoid getting on his back and pressuring him unless you have concrete evidence that he is doing something behind your back now.
You have to try and trust him and it is his responsibility to tell you if he is seeing somebody else. I hope this helps a little. I really see man good steps in your relationship and I know I am not there to experience it but I dont think you should jump to conclusions yet.
Have faith and good luck!
Anything worth having is worth working HARD for!
Making a New Move
, I'm going to not go. Say I'm too busy at work which is true.
..Well at least he IS planning vacations with them so...