Feels like an eternity (Mindsin - part. 3)

[25yearsmlc]

You said you "had a backslide" when you reached out to her with your neediness. That's a fair assessment. But you kept on going...each time you contacted her was a step backwards - it's as if you were intentionally Undoing the DB work.

And now you seem upset and disappointed in the results. That's what baffles me. Why are you surprised? And please please do NOT forget the past!

bdub, she actually tells me that she is "spending an overnight" or "staying overnight". Nowadays, she never mentions his name, or where she's staying, etc. I assume that it is with the OM, and I never ask.


SIGH...at least state that you are doing this. Instead, You continue act as if she has TOLD you that she is "with OM tonight and tomorrow night' but she has never said that. And you have never asked her who she'll be with. But you paint her here, as some nastily slut who brazenly throws OM in your face.

Also I'm curious about what she called you after the 3rd or 4th time she caught you in an affair? (IF Anything) I think you called her a Wh--- or sl--. when you found out about the OM.

What about the first time she found out you paid for OW? Did she cry in front of you?

What did you tell her then, about the other women? Did you promise not to do it again? Did you blame her for not meeting your needs, or what? How did it "resolve" each time?

And didn't you just say this OM went back to his wife? How can that Not be a good thing? It sure isn't bad.


I am virtually certain that it is ALWAYS with the OM because when she spends days with her friends, she is very detailed about who she's going to be with, where, and what time, etc.

Then ask her, or don't. But until you KNOW, at least admit you are assuming. Meanwhile, what are you doing to become the better catch?

Tell me how you treat her and why she'd choose you over OM, as you are today.

And the 180s and the GAL? Any NEW subjects or topics or skills coming up for you? Career growth?

Did you look into the workshop in Philadelphia called "Essential Experience"? I think you'd benefit by an intensive 3.5 day workshop that forces you to look at yourself without rehearsing your answer, and figuring out how to change your life, regardless of what your w does/says/plans.

IT's very profound. Check out their website. Many other DBers have attended and all have said it's Life changing. Definitely faster than therapy once a week b/c that is good BUT can be fragmented.

I'm really concerned that you continue to be blind to your behavior as you seem unaware of the previous damage to her, which you caused.

Nothing your wife is doing, is being done in a vacuum. Put it all in context.
It'll make a lot more sense then, I think.

That's it for the moment. Good luck!