When i'm out in the garden in GAL mode doing my own thing - she comes out to me to talk/ask/show me something;
She makes us both a nice lunch and we sit together - we'll not too close! - and talk and chat.
She's cooking evening meal - i offer to help and indeed do, (one of my 180's) we end up laughing and joking in the kitchen.
So what does this all mean?
It means she's still getting something from your relationship and doesn't want to blow it up/lose it. I consider it a good thing, it gives you something to work with... and some hope. It's certainly much better than her being mean and spewing, or GONE. It will make it easier for YOU to make it through this without giving up if you can maintain a friendly relationship, actually TALKING and DOING things together.
And you'll be that much closer when she does finally decide the M wasn't the problem.
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Brick wall is still there though. When she realises that we are having fun it's almost as if she conciously reminds herself to stop and the ice queen returns. No warmth, no eye contact and body language gives away that she's not getting too close - physically or emotionally.
Hmmm, sounds familiar! Been there, done that! Play your cards right and there's a good chance that eventually she'll warm up to you. Does "Be the H only a fool would leave" ring a bell? What were/are her complaints about you and the M? Have you done a 180 on these things?
Have you read DR? Very important right now is APPLY NO PRESSURE. That means from family too. Any pushing for recommitment will only strengthen W's resolve to run.
Understand that if this is MLC it can take years for her to work through. Doesn't mean that all that time will be terrible though. It will be whatever you make it to be.
M: A really long time. Crisis: 5 years. She's still worth it.
Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose. -Viktor Frankl
