It's really not ok for you to decide how she should feel. It doesn't matter how many times you saw the aunt. A death is a death, and grief is individual as well as communal with family. The three or four times you have belittled her brief comment that her aunt passed away make you seem like a very inconsiderate person. The lesson I hope you can see is that you don't get to say how she feels...how she feels is how SHE feels and you aren't in her head. (Yeah, I got the same from my emotionally abusive husband...what are you crying for you hardly saw your uncle. It wasn't his right to decide how deeply I should feel.)

I hope you can learn that for whatever relationship you have next.

Yes, simply expressing condolences was the socially acceptable thing to do, and I'm glad you did it.

Adinva 51, S20, S18
M24 total
6/15/11-12/1/12 From IDLY to H moving out
9/15/15-3/7/17 From negotiating SA to final D at age 50
5/8/17-now: New relationship with an old friend
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Happiness is a warm puppy.