This is terrifying - I hope you understand

[MrBond]

I know you have the book, but did you actually read it and take notes?

For all of the above, do what you feel is right. Be polite but don't give in or accept the things she does to you if they are negative. For example, for her resume, you can help her if you feel like it and don't see it as her using you.

You have already told her that you are not supporting the D correct? Then nothing more needs to be said. If she asks if something is wrong, then you tell her that you are not okay with the D and are taking steps to get your life in order. You don't need to give her any other explanation.

Spend time with the kids and be the best dad you can.

I don't see where she's "cake-eating". She doesn't love you and so doesn't have an attachment to you. You still "expect" her to do and act as if she were your W and any actions contrary to it, you seem to call "cake-eating".