This is terrifying - I hope you understand

[Shakspr]

Potential questions for DB coach, 'cuz I am lost or failing in these areas. Y'all weigh in if you can:

1) How do I handle cake-eating (before & after D)? Automotive? Resume' improvements? Access to the house? Moving her out? (Basically, any request for help that doesn't directly affect the kids - i.e. we will be living close together geographically, I insisted, so I intend to take on half the child "sick days" where someone would need to stay home with them.)

2) GAL? How far do I go with kids, 8, 12, 15 in the house? How much should I be taking them with me? Do I simply need to be absent more?

3) What are good goals/microgoals, when the D date is 10/20? I'm still doing Love Languages things w/mixed response (affirmation always works, touch - she's a little wary) Should I go dark (excepting child care stuff?) Do I tell her I want to create distance or just do it?

4) DB Post-divorce. What special provisions apply?

5) How do I communicate that I am not OK with this D while making my life better and seeming happier? Detach more/be more distant? How do I avoid being rude when asked, "Is something wrong?"

6) I'll be her third divorce, and though we lasted 3x as long as the other two put together, she seems to have a playbook. My being decent is an unexpected benefit to her, as far as I can tell. How do I overcome her cake eating enjoyment without being unnecessarily rude?