FINALLY SURFACING

[Fartiltre]

Well….Date is over and it was amazing!
The woman (from hereon she) came here at 5PM and we just started talking. Went for a walk on the beach talking, plucked berries talking, cooked and talked – just talked and not about small matters. We talked about the deep stuff! We laughed, she cried a little when talking about hurtful stuff – it was so honest and nice!

She is my opposite! ….or perhaps she is just opposite to old me! She is vegetarian and I am a hunter that breeds and slaughters ducks, rabbits and chickens. She is an actor and standup-comedian and very extrovert – I am in business and very introvert. She is bi-sexual and old me would have run as fast and far away as possible. She lives in town and I in the country – the list is long but we talked about many of these issues and as we dived into them one by one we discovered that we are not that far apart on most of the issues. I listened mostly and she talked – I found myself listening without judging. I simply just accepted her POV as hers and I didn’t need to convince her towards mine.
It was awesome talking to a single-mom and having her POVs on single-parenting and her XHs caring for their son. Men and women sure have different eyes and views. She opened my eyes towards many of the good things I do but also towards many of the good things W does.

We talked until around 11.30PM and then I kissed her. I took me a long time to man up – I felt so insecure and I feared a rejection like I have never done before all though she was giving me signals (like a foot- and hand massage) that even a blind man could not have missed.
She spent the night in my bed. We did not go all the way – but some – and afterwards we slept and woke up arm in arm.

It felt crazy wakening with a woman in my bed. I would have sworn 3 weeks ago that this could not happen for at least a year and here I find myself….and I am not feeling bad! While wakening up I thought of W. At least a year ago Sandi2 told me to look at W as Rhet Butler on Scarlett – the “Frankly my dear, I don’t give a damn”. Today I felt that exact way: I really don’t give a damn. This is not meant in anyway as I want her to feel bad. On the contrary I hope she feels good – but if she is happy or not doesn’t change a dime in my life! As long as W is a good parent and we continues to co-parent in the way we do now, W can feel, act and do as whatever W likes!

The morning was a bit awkward but I think that is normal after an evening of that kind. I had meetings all day and afterwards I went to her place for a cup of coffee. Stayed and talked for an hour. It was nice!
I have told her that I want to take things slowly. That I need time and that I am not ready to commit. I want to be honest and if she can’t handle this or if she is in another place then so be it – but for now I really hope to enjoy some more time with this new woman in my life!
It will be hard to meet up at work pretending nothing happened

I can’t put the words on my feelings about me these days! I feel better than ever! I feel alive, aware and present! My life is filled with nice experiences as a single dad, as a parent, a friend and after I got my sh!t together at work, even that rocks! I feel that my goal of being through this process by the end of 2014 will be accomplished. If I can get my financials sorted I will be a happy man!


TO ANY NEWBIES READING THIS!
I urge you to read some of my first posts in here! I was a mess – as bad as they come!
There is a way through all of this and the sun shines once you get there!
Do the work, follow the advice from the VETs, educate yourself and do focus on YOU!


LTH,
As always thanks for chiming in! It is very much appreciated!
D7 got very sad about the karate! I haven’t discussed the matter with D5 since I wouldn’t trust or act on her answer anyway.
I have discussed my decision with my shrink and with friends that knows Ds and they agree. It might come out as rigid but for now it is better to mind Ds hurt and daily life than it is to give in to D7s wish. I am almost certain that W shares your view fully and even some part of me agrees with you.
I am certain that right now it is the right decision I have made but it will be evaluated in 2-3 months and at that time Ds might be ready – at the moment they are not.