"Except she blames me for the OMW worries. She has said, "We had her under control until you lit a fire under her"."
Well she is correct. You were the catalyst that got the OMW all riled up with your self-righteousness. There are ways of handling things without the slash and burn approach that you did. You "fearing" for her safety because of what the OMW might do is your fault. That's another hurdle you'll have to overcome in order to earn her trust.
How is this^^^ Not Obvious? It's basic.
I mean, others may have missed out on the "Scorch and burn" approach you used in your knee jerk anger, but it's the same thing you did when your wife caught you for the 3rd time in an affair.
Remember? You went to MC and she confronted you about your numerous adulterous affairs with paid escorts YOU were "self righteous" and YOU were "angry" and YOU were "defensive"....it was an amazing piece of hypocrisy that seemed to know no bounds.
Your wife never did that to you when you had multiple partners and affairs with your "escorts"....but it's your first line of reaction, (i.e. attack).
BTW, was the risk of STDs anything you considered? I'd think it must have scared your wife, especially if she were to get pregnant. You DO know that STD's cause miscarriages and birth defects? How would you have felt knowing that your "affairs" hurt or killed your own child? (Can you see what it must do to how a wife feels towards her h?)
Anyhow, if you continue to make progress, that's great. If not then that's that.
But please stop pretending it's ALL the "consequences of HER actions" b/c it AGAIN ignores your behavior, and you have done that for years....to the great detriment of your marriage and your wife's self esteem.
I'm very sorry she's having an affair, let alone with a married man.
But maybe the OM's wife's goal is trying to save her marriage, and NOT to hurt her h.
Besides, getting her h fired doesn't help HER or her children...geez, this is a mess partly b/c you keep hiding from your role & NOT changing yourself.
Please keep the self improvements focus on yourself and not your wife. Build up trust and build from that. When you feel critical of her, get out a mirror and work on yourself...she needs positives from you, which would be a marked change.
Does this make sense to you?
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
