I was only trying to contrast the way a rational adult who is not in the throes of a crisis might go about dissolving a marriage for (what I consider to be) "legitimate" issues, vs. the type of behavior we see in our spouses who are no longer interested in being married.
"I was unhappy and while I was searching (on the Internet!) for the reason, I came up with YOU!"--- to me is not a "legitimate" issue.
To be clear, I am not done standing. I am just doing a lot of soul-searching. -----------------------------------------------------------------
The way GUBU has gone about this speaks volumes to his state of mind and inability to look within for the source of his troubles.
MLC or not, life-long issues which have never been dealt with--call it what you like--he is not behaving like a man who has thought things through with any clarity.
It is my opinion that he will live to regret the decisions he's made, and will one day truly regret that he let me go with not a wimper of protest.
No. I don't think he could have done better. I think he is messed up beyond belief. How long I am willing to live with that is the question. I have never abandoned friends and family in their hour of need, and will not abandon him either. I believe he is ill, in one sense or another.
But at some point, I need to think of myself. I can't live with someone who treats me like something they tried to scrape off their shoe but still stinks. -----------------------------------------------------------------
I have done nothing to him, other than yell at him for cheating on me and betraying my trust, and throwing him out when he served me with D papers, yet somehow, he feels like he is the "victim", or so he says.
At this point, I don't think he's capable of much in the way of looking down the road at the consequences of his behavior, or looking inside himself for answers to deal with how he feels. He doesn't feel good around me anymore, (doesn't matter WHY), therefore the solution is to just get rid of me.
"No bad feelings allowed" should be his motto. ------------------------------------------------------------------
He appears to have no real compassion for me, or hides it well. It's all about HIM, what HE wants, what HE needs. He's unapologetically stated this several times.
To be honest, most of his communication with me has "I want" at its core. And when I've balked at obeying his command, he lashes out in one way or another. It's getting really old.
He's been treating me like crap for more than two years.
While he's said---proudly--"I lie like a rug" and "I am a master manipulator".
When I recall these things, and other seemingly small things from over the years, I wonder if there is any hope for him to improve.
And I also remember really great times with a man who was so different, so generous, sociable, who liked people, who loved and respected me. I do believe that man was REAL. I married him. But he's not here anymore. Not that I can see.
That man seems gone for good. And I am not interested in being married to his replacement, is all.
I believe that this is not about me, or OW, (real or imagined). I think this is about him, his pain, his problems; all of which have finally caught up to him and he has no where else to run.
I'm just collateral damage. I don't believe his goal is to hurt me, but he will continue to hurt me until I put a stop to it. ------------------------------------------------------------------
Still, I'm waiting it out, much to the chagrin of friends, family, and potential suitors.
That's my choice, to wait and watch and see.
At least I want to know I gave it as much time as I could before throwing in the towel.
But in the meantime, I need some emotional distance from him to feel safe and get my head straight. ---------------------------------------------------------------------
I have also contacted a DBing coach, just trying to figure out how to pay for it. Then I can say that I tried that too...
---GGG
Me 54 Him 63 M 23 T 29 0 Kids Funny Farm of Rescues 12/12 OW-- 5/13 ILYBINILWY: A denied 9/13 Proof OW: ENDED 2/14 Got D papers on my BD I kicked him out for my sanity 9/14 He wants to "talk"?
