Currently, the rollercoaster is at a high and I have been pursuing her through touches, massages and holding at night.
Have you read DB or DR? Pursuing is a huge no-no at this stage. What message do you think you are sending to her by trying to "cuddle" with her when she is having an affair??
I can guarantee you, she is thinking some combination of:
a) NOW he does this. It took me HAVING AN AFFAIR to get his attention;
b) This is WEAK. How can he not have more respect for himself? He knows I am having an affair and he's trying to snuggle with me??? WTF???
c) Arcola must be okay with what I'm doing. I've still got him as my "Plan B" in case this other thing with OM doesn't work out. (also unattractive)
Are you doing this as some sort of genuine self-soothing for yourself, as a technique to show her affection to win her back somehow, or because you genuinely WANT her at this point?
