The Goddess of Goats Thrives Alone on Her Mountain

[GoatGal]

Maybell,

I agree with much of what you said above.

Even though in hindsight I can see that I was compensating pretty heavily on my own for some growing discontent in my M with H, my thoughts of leaving him were fleeting because, like you, I understand that marriages are living things and experience highs and lows.

We're only human and can only do the best we can with what we have to work with at the time.

That said, I believe there are rational and positive reasons to leave a marriage.

There is adultery, abuse (emotional/physical), your safety is threatened (physical/financial), or your children are at risk

Or there is addiction, dishonesty, emotional distancing, an intimacy desert.

If the affected spouse does not take responsibility for their actions and work towards change.
If there is serious mental illness, arrests/incarceration, or abandonment.
(Whether actual or emotional.)
If the spouse deliberately withholds physical affection and emotional support.

These situations describe toxic relationships and I wouldn't blame anyone for leaving under such circumstances.

It's our choice to stand. I would hope that none of us would WANT to tolerate the above conditions were they to become permanent.

We are worth more than that.
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That said, I believe in only walking away if you have done everything in your power to save your M.

It takes two to make a R work, but only one to destroy it.

In the end, they must cooperate.

I don't believe on leaving a spouse because they become ill, unable to meet my needs through no fault of their own.
That comes with the promise "for better or for worse".

But if our spouses continue to choose behaviors which are harmful to us, show no signs of changing, well in my case there is an expiration date on that.
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I described the way I would go about a divorce because, if nothing changes with GUBU, I will initiate proceedings to finalize things if he does not.

And it would look very much as I said: Rational, final, well-thought out.
I wouldn't have any anger at him.
I would just know that he no longer wants to be/is able to be a partner I could trust, depend on, feel safe with, feel connected to.

I don't want to live like that down the road if GUBU is the best he has to offer.

My husband had issues--we all do---but his good points outweighed his bad ones.

GUBU has very little to recommend him, as a handy man, much less a husband.

I am giving him all the time I can to figure himself out.
But the truth is, he might never.

In that case, I must move on for my own well-being.


-------GGG