The Goddess of Goats Thrives Alone on Her Mountain

[Maybell]

GGG, I agree with your analysis of why people outside this experience don't understand standing.

But I don't know that we can really assume we would break up a marriage the way you describe. I think that in order to get to the point that breaking up a marriage is the right choice, you have to be a little cuckoo. If you were rational, and had been in a long-term marriage as you describe, and really cared about the other person, then the work to repair would have happened. I know I was checked out six years ago. I know for sure if I could have left my H at that time, I would have, and there would have been nothing rational, kind, or reasonable about that choice.

What was rational, kind, and reasonable was my realizing my part in my own unhappiness and the steps I took to repair things before I made them worse.

And if I could have been rational, kind, or reasonable about his unhappiness, of which the affair was basically just a symptom, I would not have an eight month period of begging and pleading to my (dubious) credit.

I say this not as any kind of 2x4, but as a reminder that long-term marriages are, by their nature, emotional beasts, and "I would have done it differently" isn't really fair or knowable. I like to think I would have done it better, but I don't have any evidence at all to back that up and so it would be better not to make that assertion. Because sooner or later, it's probably going to kick me in the a$$. Almost every single "I would never have..." statement does.

Love your new thread title!!!