I'm having a tough night. My mind is racing with H and OW. Why does it seem like this is getting harder now that H and I are moving closer to piecing? I'm just finding it impossible to trust him. It's not that I think he's sleeping with her again but I worry that he's keeping a small flame flickering at the office, perhaps chatting or walking by her office unnecessarily. How would I ever know? And while he has made positive strides is that really enough? There's a lot that's still missing --- like him coming HOME and full transparency. It concerns me that he still has not agreed to those things. I think at the moment the only thing that is keeping me going is him saying he would get MC references this week. I hope we can confront some of these significant outstanding issues directly with the MC. And I hope we can find someone good and get an appointment ASAP.
Hopefully by posting here I can let some of these anxieties go for a bit. I mean although I am freaked at the moment I don't think there's anything I can (or should) do until we get to a MC. It seems the wisest thing to discuss under MCers guidance. I just need to find a way to get myself calm until then. Man this sux. Boy I hope that the training I'm in tomorrow is phenomenal and totally engaging. I could use the distraction!
M: 42 H: 43 M: 8 years S7 and D4 H has D19 and S25 from previous M Bomb: 3/6/14 OW discovered, EA & PA 1st separation, 10 days, decided to reconcile & moved back in. Fail 2nd separation: 5/1/14
