New here, my fairytale gone wrong

[fthnluv]

Thanks BrightFuture. Our situations are very similar, as you said. Having H so far away makes some things easier (I don't have to see him daily or weekly and feel the hurt "in person") but also harder because it is very easy for him to stay disconnected from me when he cannot even see who I really am (rather than what MLC is telling him I am/was).

I can't stand the thought of H with another woman but, as it is mostly likely TO happen (if it already isn't) I find myself, as with much of this, just wanting to get to and through that part and move on. The hardest thing about this all is that we, those who stand, have no guarantees that our stand will ultimately lead our spouses back to us. I was telling a girlfriend today that's it's almost like since I cannot fully let go and give up on my love for H (and for our intact family) I am still in limbo and will one day have to truly give up completely and move on, in another relationship, without H. That is scary for me. This is going to be, by far, the hardest thing I've ever done.