I think KGirl brings up very good points about communication. I would also like to offer my thoughts about the dog.
Your wife hasn’t been the controller of information--you have.
The only reason you learned the dog was sick was because your wife contacted you.
You said you choose not to answer your phone and you choose to let it go to voice mail. You made an assumption what was in the voice mail. Then you choose not to listen to it until the next day. You ignored your wife. Face it Bob, you controlled the entire communication process that night, not her.
I think it was very cruel how your treated her that evening. She was obviously distraught when she called. I say this because this has been her only unsolicited contact with you.
She didn’t call about “your relationship.” She called about a potential tragedy and needed a strong shoulder. Unfortunately she picked a very weak shoulder (by your own admission).
You said she called at 8:00 pm and left a voice mail. Then sent a medical update by text at 9:30. At 10:30 she sent a text saying she would be home in an hour. She never got a response.
How alone do you think she felt all evening?
When you finally respond the next morning what do you say? Do you ask if she is okay? Do you acknowledge the awful night she must have experienced?
The first thing you do is lie about why you didn’t respond. Then explain your willingness to miss a football game so you can be with the dog (she must understand you are sacrificing). You offer to pay the bill and never ask how she is doing. You also promise to call but never do. Is this your normal communication style?
I don’t see her behavior as punishing at all. To the contrary. I think she gave you a great deal of information considering the urgency in with you severed legal ties with her. Remember? You filed legal separation papers not her. You drafted a settlement document. You even sent an email to remind her.
A genuine 180 for you is to call and apologize to your wife about how insensitive you were about the dog’s medical situation. You need to explain how you love the dog but not as much as you love her. She is your wife and you should take every opportunity to tell her how important she is to you.
This is your starting point Bob. This is what she keeps asking you for. You think ignoring her is the key. It is not. Read what you write. She needs to know she is important to you. Ignoring her will destroy your marriage.
