still holding on - 4

[u-turn]

I do know that I cannot back down from this. Likely she will hide things better - I don't know what to expect now (not that I have known anyway). I also know that this weekend will not change her - but at least she knows what I am feeling, that I have limits, and that I need to take care of myself.

I don't exactly know what moving forward is - I know it isn't prudent for me to move out, but I can't toss her out. It seems easier for me to leave and maybe easier on the kids for me to leave. Since she is not wanting to divorce and in the end I don't want it either. I don't know how to handle this. - but I know that I cannot live like this - I've complicated and confused myself and the whole situation.

I'm sorry that you are feeling so bad too MLP.