Feeling a little better today. Realizing after reading pilots sich. That no matter what happens, she will be in my life forever. We have three kids together. There is no getting a away from that. Excepting that I was a big part of why this has happened is huge to me. I feel I need to apologize to my kids and her for the rest of my life. I will continue to be the constant for my kids no matter what. For her all I can do is show that I will always care. No matter what. It is her choice if she decides to work on our marriage or not. Give her time and space. If she is truly happier with OM that is her choice. If nothing else I will have a partner in life to raise my kids with and watch them grow. Never giving up but understanding what needs to be done. Trying to fix myself first is very important. Hope she comes along for the ride.
M36/W30 S13,D10,S6 Married 4.5 together 12 Bomb 1/14 EA/PA OM 1/14 still going Served 2/14/14 Separated 3/14 D paused 6/14 6/15 divorced
Caught the wife in a lie. Took something of mine and used it with OM. Brought it up in conversation last night. I know it's not about being right. But I can not stand to be lied to. Hurts me so deep to be lied to.
M36/W30 S13,D10,S6 Married 4.5 together 12 Bomb 1/14 EA/PA OM 1/14 still going Served 2/14/14 Separated 3/14 D paused 6/14 6/15 divorced
Regarding OM contact with kids, I would definitely set that boundary. I have done just that in my situation.
M: 15 years BD: 6/25/14 EA/PA: starts 5/14/14 11/30/14 - A ends 5/15/15 - D is finalized. 11/28/15 - Start of new LTR with a wonderful woman (and still going strong)!
Sandi are you saying you can't control this. Because that is what I'm thinking your saying. Because they only way I know is to have an order put on OM from stopping to see your kids. And that's if the court grants you this. Which they probably will not do unless there is risk for the children. Then it looks bad with the wife any ways. So why fight it. You can't control other people. You can voice your opinion and that's it.
My only hope is that actually meeting the kids has some negative affect with OM and wife. Commitment and money and so on and so on. Remember OM is late thirties, never been married and no kids. Big step for somebody that has never had kids or can never have kids with this person(wife) because she can't anymore.
M36/W30 S13,D10,S6 Married 4.5 together 12 Bomb 1/14 EA/PA OM 1/14 still going Served 2/14/14 Separated 3/14 D paused 6/14 6/15 divorced
It was just something small, I had bought some of really nice Chinese lanterns in the ski. For me and the kids do on a nice night. She used one with the OM and I confronted her about it awhile ago and she denied it. Petty but a lie is a lie in my book. You don't do it!
M36/W30 S13,D10,S6 Married 4.5 together 12 Bomb 1/14 EA/PA OM 1/14 still going Served 2/14/14 Separated 3/14 D paused 6/14 6/15 divorced
I was interested in how Mindsin would suggest you make it "your" boundary. A personal boundary is not about controlling the other person.
That would be like saying that her lying to you is a boundary. All you can do is control how you will react to her action. But you can't control what she does. You can tell her all day it is a boundary, and she could laugh in your face and keep telling you lies. Then what? What do you do when a person doesn't respect your personal boundaries? That's what you need to know.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
I was interested in how Mindsin would suggest you make it "your" boundary. A personal boundary is not about controlling the other person.
First question for 3kids - How did you find out about the weekend, and what (if anything) did you say to your W?
He can start by saying something like, "Taking the kids to spend a weekend with the OM made me feel really disrespected a father."
She may disagree. Also, enforcement will be difficult since he didn't set that boundary earlier.
In my W's case, I said pretty much the same thing to her. She thought about it for a while, and replied, "Yes. You're absolutely right. That was wrong of me."
M: 15 years BD: 6/25/14 EA/PA: starts 5/14/14 11/30/14 - A ends 5/15/15 - D is finalized. 11/28/15 - Start of new LTR with a wonderful woman (and still going strong)!
