Lisa, I've been getting a LOT of advice to just let go for the last few weeks. I couldn't do it. Finally I rephrased: I need to step away to heal. I just can't deal with the crazy anymore. And there's so much good in my life -- in fact, almost EVERY area of my life except my marriage is really, really good right now. I have a lot to be happy about.
Why worry about giving him the head space that will do little more than damage your ability to enjoy the great things in your life?
I say that today. I know you've seen my threads to know it was a process to get there. It is worth it. Please don't waste your time on disgust or pity for your H. The OW is absolutely beneath your notice. Don't hold onto a crappy, stupid person. Just acknowledge that's who he is now and if he ever comes back to you having done his own 180s, you can decide then if the good outweighs the bad.
The question underpinning your (entirely understandable) rant is "how can I get him back?" THAT OUGHT TO BE HIS QUESTION OF YOU. Until it is, put him aside. Step back and give yourself space to heal. Or let go. Or whatever phrasing gets you to a place where you make your own choices rather than, as you note, reacting to every little thing (including each day's silence).
I'm feeling quiet and serious today so I apologize for the tone of my posting here. I wish you all the best.
Me42, H40 D12, S8, S7 A revealed: 7/13 Sep 4/14; Agreed to D 1/15
