Putting my life back together

[NewLeaf]

I have so appreciated seeing the love and support in this forum, more than anyplace else I've seen. I wish I had found it months ago, but better late than never.

My wife and I met in college, were together for 7 years and then got married in 2011. We almost never fight, are both responsible with money and haven't had much if any real conflict. She started grad school around the time we got married, in addition to working full time, and being a martial arts instructor. I started to fill my time too and we slowly drifted apart. I kept telling myself that after she got out of school our lives would go back to normal. I think I stopped growing at some point and I'm not even sure why. I wanted to go back to school but didn't want us both to be in school at the same time, and I think I was just trying to make sure I was home for what little time we did have together.

In June I found out she was having an affair and got the ILYBNILWU. She decided at the time to break things off with the OM and work on our marriage, cutting back on time at the martial arts school, and we started to spend a lot more time together. I thought things were going well, but found out she was still in contact with him via text and email, and she told me I needed to let her go. We drifted for a few more weeks as she struggled with her decision and then last week she wrote me a two page letter and read it to me about what a wonderful person I am, how sorry she is about the affair and the pain it caused me, but that there is no spark left, and she doesn't think it will work, and doesn't want to keep hurting all involved. She asked me for a divorce and moved to the spare bedroom. Current plan is to go to mediation and also sell the house in January during the winter break.

I just started with a DB coach, have completely stopped the pursuit, initiating zero emails, texts, or phone calls, and have concentrated on GAL. I got into grad school over the summer, have been running every day, and am eating more healthy. Last week I took a martial arts class, volunteered for a town cleanup, reconnected with friends, and spent more time with my family. This week I've got more martial arts classes and a dance class. I've tried to be out of the house as much as possible, and when home been positive and have intentionally kept myself busy and out of the way.

The past several months have been gut wrenching, the pain I've felt is well described all over this forum, so I won't even try, but after months of pain, the setback of the ongoing lying, and finally the separation, I think I've finally come to terms with my position. With the past week of activities, friends, and family, I feel like there is a tiny light at the end of the tunnel. I actually felt real happiness several times in the last week, I had almost forgotten what it felt like. Regardless of what happens to my marriage, I'm excited about the chance to redefine myself, go to grad school, get into the best shape of my life, and build a life I can be proud of. I hope she'll see that too and want to stay, but after so much pain, I think I can honestly say I'm doing this for me. We'll see where this goes, just surrounding myself with positive people, having a positive attitude and turning over a new leaf.

Cheers