Dealing with WAW part 5

[pilot]

As I have been re reading my threads from start to finish, I have had many many regrets at things i have done along my journey. I have also been able to see advice given to me differently than I did at the present...for whatever reason. One of the things that has stuck out to me is an exchange between myself and 25 over compliments and WOA to my WAW.

Me: We have not really spoken/text much since the day she left. I have not initiated anything other than asking to facetime with the kids. I do agree given the past times we have been together, she will probably be just as friendly as before. I will listen to advice from you, labug, 25, and others and take a little more risk by offering compliments, etc.

25: This ^^statement makes me sad. What would you be "RISKING" By complimenting your wife? (The risk to not complimenting her is a lot higher)

You have a wife whose love language is WOA. You have a problem expressing positive feelings verbally (though you sure want HER to verbalize things that make her very uncomfortable or even embarrassed/ashamed. Irony much?)

So, to you it "risks" something, to compliment your wife.

Man That is a bad combination Pilot. It means (to me) that you think compliments "Costs" you power in the r, (can't think of what else you might believe you risk but NO I don't think you are risking power, I think YOU think that)...

so I wonder if you think she'll assume that the compliments mean SHE is a great catch and you are THUS at her mercy, or something odd like that??

In reality, getting compliments is just how she feels loved. And denying her this does NOT "protect" you; not at all; it is the opposite. Denying her compliments, which costs you nothing, is denying her something SHE NEEDS.

Keeping them to yourself, makes her love tank empty. That's not good.

All I can say is I am sorry to my W and to 25. To my W because I now see how in retrospect I could have offered my W WOA and compliments without coming across as needy or overly pursuing. And sorry to 25 for resisting her advice because I somehow thought I knew better, and offered up excuse after excuse. Maybe had I kept the WOA flowing and compliments flowing, I would be in a different place right now.

Ugg...more to come I am sure as I continue reading my miserable little journal.