Keeping it real

[Zues126]

Following W's attempted suicide Friday she is fully recovered physically. She is expecting to return home Tuesday at which point she expected me to move out again or to stick around in the family room for a week or two if I thought it necessary to make sure things were ok.

I meditated on it long and hard and was willing to cooperate to a point. For all her issues she has always been a good mom and protectedthem from harm. Any impact her lifestyle makes doesnt seem as large as the consequences of starting a nuclear custody issue, having them out of her life and blaming me to the kids, etc. so i want to cooperrate, but also to keep an eye on the situation. Last thing i want is for kids to be hurt or ss to decide NEiTHER parent is safe!!! HOWEVER, She found out from social services yesterday that they may not be so quick to reinstate that situation. That may be my out. I am going to tell them the following:

-she has been drinking heavily
-she has been involved with several men, possibly at the house (one reported incident)
-she isn't speaking in terms of kids needing her, but of her needing them, particularly the youngest because "she clings to me all day, always loves me, and needs me the most"
-she isn't seeing past her own needs and pain. No accountability, no apologies, minimizing what occurred as a one time mistake, and saying treatment follow up is being blown out of proportion

My hope is that SS sees me fit as a father but allows her to come home, and hopefully they ask me to be here for 4-8 weeks until she completes some court ordered therapy. She doesn't want it but it may do her good.

Finally, between her and I the question is: did she ask for a D and lose control in the pain of separation? Or has she been out of control longer and the D was the first bad choice? No clue, right now I am focused on being a parent first, and a supportive friend to her next. Can't see last the next 24-48 hours right now...