OK, I really need some help here people. It's like all my worst fears are coming true and I'm losing my D14.
So, today is day one of my taking her to school. Because her mother moved 30 miles away and put D14 into school that is close to her, D14 (who is a definitely NOT a morning person!) can take her time and sleep later in the AM when with her mother. Of course this wouldn't be the case if she had to walk to school which she would have had to more than 1/2 the time except that I came and picked her up and took her when she was staying with her mother. So, she doesn't understand that she would be having to get up at the same time as when she has to when with me if I wasn't there to "help' her mom by putting myself out and getting her to school when her mother "can't". As far as D14 knows, when at her mom's she can always sleep later.

This morning I tried to get her moving and ready on time. She got up in time (I thought) but there is just so much she seems to need to do to get ready! Make-up, clothes, hair, who knows what, that she wasn't ready when it was time to leave. She get's crabby in the morning and there is no rushing her without a fight. By the time she got ready it was 20 min.'s past when I wanted to leave! Of course once we get in the car and are going she says "Is there any way that you can get there any faster?". So, I tell her calmly that we just need to leave 15 min's earlier and we would be fine. Just like I thought she would, she got angry (something she has learned from her mother) and said "I got up before 7:00 AM! How early do I need to get up?". I say calmly again "Well, it's 30 miles away and we need time to get there". I got back from her.. "Mom lives 4 min's from school....". Look kid, it's not MY fault your mother moved away, put you in a school you didn't want to go to, put you in a school so far from me and still wants you to live 7 days with me, 7 days with her! What I SAID was "D14, it wasn't my choice for your mom to move so far away. She didn't think about me or you and what it would mean when you stayed with me. She moved there because it's where all her friends live, not because she wanted you to be closer to school so you could sleep later". It was the closest thing to me saying something "bad" about her mother and her choices since this all started!

So, we got there 2 min's late so she will be in trouble. It will mean a tardy and who knows what they do if you get too many of those at public school? Add to this the fact that her and her mother are saying that she should go home after school when she's staying with me to do homework before I pick her up and it just adds to what I KNOW is coming....D14 saying she should just stay with her mother during the week when school is in session! I can see it coming. My W is manipulating her to see HER house as D14's "real" home and mine as not. She doesn't even need to put herself out as I have been coming and getting her in the morning when W doesn't "feel" like it so D14 doesn't see what relying on her mother (who doesn't really care to put herself out) is really like.

I know what's happening, I can see it coming. I just don't know what to do about it! I don't want to do what the people I work with suggested and just not take her in the AM when she is with her mother or not take her places when she's with her mom if her mom can't (or won't) do it. But I just don't know how else to block her mothers effort to make D14 see HER place as her "real" home while pushing me more and more out of D14's life. I already am at a disadvantage because W isn't helping keep me in the loop with school things. I was hoping that once I started picking her up from school, I would start getting all the info and hand outs from teacher at least on my weeks but now D14 wants to go to her mom's before I get her and she will just leave that stuff there. Other than putting my foot down and telling D14 I am getting her from school and that's that how to put a stop to this. Any thoughts?