On the brink, need a miracle

[Onguard]

Things are not going well recently. My waw has been really moody. On Friday she went to the beach with a friend during the day and got drunk. She texted me and asked me if I wanted to bring our D13 and meet up with this other couple for dinner. I agreed. But when we got there it had turned into a much bigger deal. 5 families meeting up and all of them know about our situation because my W has been telling people over the past couple of months. This was going to be the first time we were all together as a group since the news about her A got out and I was a little uncomfortable. I did my best to act as if during the night. My w and I sat across from each other but barely spoke. We didn't say a word to each other on the drive home either. I spent the day Saturday with my S20 at his school, it was Dad's day for his Frat and we had a great time. No communication with my w at all on Sat. Then yesterday, almost no communication either. So, this am, before work, I caved in and started a talk with her about why she was treating me so cold lately. Her response, "Our marriage is over, we are both miserable living like this and denying reality. We have tried dating each other and it is not working for either of us. We just need to accept what is and either separate or divorce." She says that she has changed and will never be the person that I knew. She reiterated that she was totally unhappy in our marriage, she should have ended it years ago and that she cannot go back. I agreed with her on all counts and said that our old marriage is dead. I also said that we have an opportunity to start a new relationship if we are both willing to contribute to it.

She is talking about separation. My stand is that I am not leaving the home. I told her that if she wants to separate then she will be the one leaving. The issue I have is that I travel for my job quite often, so our D13 would have to basically leave with her. She is using this to make me feel guilty as well. But she is the one who betrayed our M. She was not thinking about our D13 when she decided to have an A and invited her AP into our home to have sex. She is the one who wants to live under a different roof. Why should I leave?

My lawyer has also advised me not to leave the home. She said that it would only make things easier on my waw and that is the last thing I want to do.

The stress is really starting to get to me. It is affecting my ability to focus at work and my energy level has been lower lately. Maybe the reality is sinking in that I am going to lose my M and be a single man at the age of 44. This is not what I want. I want to get my marriage back. I believe that my best chance of that is with us both under the same roof. I need to detach, GAL and show her the best possible man, husband and father I can be. I need to stay away from talking about our relationship and just focus on my career, my kids and myself.