This is terrifying - I hope you understand

[Shakspr]

And the word of the day is... Detach. I was trying too many of the early techniques in DR when I should be LRT'g. I know, experimentation doesn't hurt. And while the W isn't angry with me right now, she is defensive. She's doing all she can to be somewhere else when I'm home.

I got the kids and oldest D out of the house Saturday nite b4 she came home. I didn't try R talk, just told her I miss her and I want to know what's on her mind. No doors were shut, and this was definitely a 180 for me, making time for just her and me. But, not surprisingly, she suspected I had an agenda. I simply told her I had no expectations, hadn't spent much time around her, and wanted to know how things were with her. We talked workout stuff and job hunting, as well as SS15 homeschool schedule. And I cleared up some concerns she still had about our disagreement last Monday. But I did pursue some, telling her that I still have hope, that I still think the our marriage can be healed, and asked her if I was foolish to think that. She said no, but wasn't real pleased with what I wanted to talk about.

I am pretty successful in not puppy-doggying (I ended the conversations we did have naturally and walked away...she followed me three times Sat and Sun after I thought we were done to continue the convo.) Then she accused me of being too "in her face all the time." She says she's not comfortable when I'm home (heh, that's not surprising, as there's no way she's completely happy with this decision.) I asked her if I was doing something to make her feel that way. She said no, but just because you're being nice now doesn't mean you will be 2 weeks before the D. She mentioned she's seen it before (well, she's certainly got D experience on her side - twice before me!) She said she doesn't wish any bad stuff on me, as that wouldn't help our kids any, and I don't deserve that. She even expressed concern that I would turn from faith. (Not freaking likely!) I told her that Christ was my only hope for healing, and he can heal anything, including our situation. I didn't throw the obvious hypocrisy in her face.

Anyway, I re-read some of the GAL and LRT portions of DR, and think that I went overboard pushing too hard. Patience is not one of my virtues. But the clock is ticking, and Oct. 20 (D finalization) will be here sooner than later.

Finally, I screwed up. Left early from home this AM and left DR on the nightstand. She will see it. I didn't do it on purpose, or subconsciously, just left the house at AM to hit the gym and left it there. How do I proceed? Put it away when I get home and not mention it? Or address it openly whether she asks about it or not? I KNOW IT'S NOT FOR HER RIGHT NOW! But she's snoopy.