You sound like you have the same "guilt" I have, I know there was a couple of years I was the WAS, and then it seemed when I woke up and realize I wanted this man this M, then BAM He hit me with BD.

I forgave myself, and you will need to also if you have not. It sounds like you have a plan in place, try to sit still in your feelings and thoughts.

Believe me I know its hard!
Your feelings are back and forth on if you want your M or not, like mine. Until we are 100% sure we are done we must be careful.

Me 43 ring off Oct 2014 (my ring back on Feb 2015)
H 51 (ring off 7/2013)
M 2007 T 1996
S 14
July 2013- H told me he was unhappy.....said he is staying for Son
Feb 18 2014 Found out about OW