The Waiting One (and tired of it)

[Atsbaby]

Thank you Daring. I looked into the pole dancing classes, but there aren't any locally I know and hear that this is not about me, but my heart just struggles to accept it!

"...deep down they feel worthless"

Clark and I were talking tonight about...him, surprise!
Anyways, as I was listening, I'm picking up on the insecurities he still has. He doesn't think he's smart he actually said, "if I got tested on an IQ scale, I would be pretty dumb." I told him I was sorry that he felt this way. He then "clarified" his statement meaning that he is smart about sports and computer drafting, but nothing else. I was so shocked. He is very intelligent. I just let him go on...I can't say anything to change his mind. BUT I did agree, to myself, that he is stupid when it comes to our R and his behavior/actions. He doesn't understand himself and won't read up on personal issues.

Clark is riding high on the roller coaster, possibly going into upside down turns, he's already talking about leaving his job (after 8 months), and thinks he is getting the wrong degree! He said at least yours is leading you into a profession, but mine I just picked it cause it sounded interesting. This is one of those snap decisions he made and now look where it got you. He's only 2 classes into a 3 year degree. Not my problem. Love my schooling, as much as one can, and will graduate next summer...go me!

I think Clark senses that I'm pulling away. He is trying hard to mend small fences, like my frustrations with him this morning. He apologized for my outburst! I also noticed the past 2 days he is finding ways to gently touch me. He tapped my arm yesterday, decided he needed to measure a shirt against my back, leaned over to look at something and leaned enough to touch my leg. No expectations! Just noticing his behavior.

And this is why I struggle to detach...ugh!