I'm back as promised. Well, Bug saved me some time today as I saw this quote she posted in another thread today that encapsulates my current thought process exceedingly well: “…feelings like disappointment, embarrassment, irritation, resentment, anger, jealousy, and fear, instead of being bad news, are actually very clear moments that teach us where it is that we’re holding back. They teach us to perk up and lean in when we feel we’d rather collapse and back away. They’re like messengers that show us, with terrifying clarity, exactly where we’re stuck. This very moment is the perfect teacher, and, lucky for us, it’s with us wherever we are.” Pema Chodron
Thank you, Bug!!!
I can now leave here since Bug already did the work for me. (hearing shrill screaming from the chorus here....) Ok, ok...chill! Will stay and keep on with the post.
I must confess here: I am sure glad that the Universe stepped in and "decommissioned" my smartphone. Upon reflection, when I respond to Ms. Wonka's emails immediately, they've been based on ego and not very deliberate nor well-thought out. Sometimes Ms. Wonka's comments DO push my buttons and I go right into a defensive mode. Gee...ego vs. cool-headed Mr. Spock. Fortunately, Mr. Spock is in charge now. Mr. Spock still remembers vividly how he got pretty beat up by the ego in that very dimly lit, dark alley. Never again!
What I would like to do when interacting with Ms. Wonka going forward is to be calm and articulate as I do see quite clearly that Ms. Wonka is really wanting to keep the dialogue open. Although her latest missive came across like a bull in a china store that was a bit hot-headed. I have to say the only negative about Ms. Wonka is that she has a very stubborn streak and will push hard for what she strongly believes in. That can be very very good in certain situations and can be very bad in others...like the recent email missive.
Going forward, I will need to remind myself consciously that my criteria for communicating with Ms. Wonka will be:
-is it loving? -is it supportive (within reason)? -is it done without any recrimination? -it done without any bitterness? -is it respectful? -does it come from a place that is truly authentic? -is it filled with integrity?
Over the last three days, I have received the very exact same consistent messages very clearly from the Universe through various mediums:
Be persistent
'Kay! You have it. I have questions for you, Universe!
-How can I be persistent without steamrolling? -What about the free-will choices of Ms. Wonka? -What about the free-will choices that I have? -How can one marry free-will with persistence??!
I don't have clear answers to these questions. I will just do my best following my own criteria from above.
After careful and deliberate thought, I've decided to keep the door to friendship open because we just opened lines of communication back in March 2014 after nearly 10 years of zero, real communication. It is at the infant stage...only 6 months out. I need to be realistic and reasonable about the overall picture here. I'm not going to slap her away just because she made a really insensitive comment and she's human too. She's allowed her allotted amount of mistakes.
This does not necessarily mean that she can keep on making the same ones over and over without some constructive feedback from me. What this means is that it is my responsibility to convey and communicate my needs in a clear way without any ambiguity...and to re-emphasize them if Ms. Wonka breaches them once. I believe in giving people the opportunity to step up after receiving some feedback. Ms. Wonka isn't a b!tch or acting like an ass at all.
What needs to happen at some point is for Ms. Wonka to have a pretty pretty deep understanding of what she's done wrong and I think she's a long way off from that. I am willing to bet that she's nowhere near this and nor is willing or able to acknowledge it. I am going to table this for some other time for we both are quite tentative toward each other and I am not going to come down gang busters on Ms. Wonka.
