KGirl - 7 months later...

[KGirl]

What do I want to do? I guess I'm not sure. Which is hard for me, because as we know I like to have a game plan

For quite a while what I wanted to do was basically let him be and do my own thing with the idea that eventually he might come around/see that I have changed/had his own changes and realizations/etc. Now I'm not sure that I'm satisfied enough with that action (or "action by inaction"). I guess I'm getting antsy and want something to happen. I'm starting to view his inaction one way or the other less so as "he's just confused" in an emphathetic way, and more so as "he's weak and unconfident about making decisions" in a negative way. It's unattractive to me. I want to be with someone who can articulate what they want and work on resolving things. And the things I'm hearing about him from others do not really make me miss him or feel attracted to him. When I ask myself "if he came around tomorrow and said he'd be willing to do whatever it took, and would follow through, would I be willing to work on it, too?" my answer is still yes, at this point, so maybe I just need to sit tight until my answer becomes "no, too much has happened, it's far too late."

So, in a short version - I guess I don't know what I want to do because the things I want are for HIM to do. I know I should be thinking more about what I can do that is within my control to feel better about the situation. Starting the D process will be no less painful or likely not make me any happier (or richer!), at least at this point.