Well I've been doing .. thinking about a lot as I wrote before. Tired - trying my best to think clearly. I can't afford the social life all of the time as funds as dwindling & must be preserved for priorities - child, parent/health but I'm trying to keep GAL up as well b/c it feels SO GOOD! Been reading info. from all over the 'DB map' as you could imagine.
It is so for the 'relatively new' to all this - we do the homework including reading the books ... & check the forums when we can between the 'crisis moments'. For me, I looked for 'sitch specific' info. as I felt I was going crazy initially, with the fallout from the mlc bomb. Emotional (!), fearful & NO one to talk with ...
I think I unknowingly pressured myself, trying to finish as much as possble since I have to make decisions soon re boundaries/cake eating & how to approach. Have been a doormat for about 6 months ... Right NOW - just wish he would go.
I know I have issues. I even wondered if I deserved all this, but I can't believe the hatred & contempt. And to be honest, the thought has been reoccuring (if I deserved all this). I can't even 'slip' with this guy ... it could be anything (!!) .. I asked, r you talking to me? And the reply!! My goodness, are we snappy snappy hateful mlcers!!!
You see, I heard this on 'route' to laundry - I do lots as I have elderly as well & all must be clean re: 'vulnerable'. I'm into the prevention /cure analogy as I really cannot cope with more 'drama' these days . Colds, infections etc - more stuff to pile on my plate!
I heard how "^%#$$ stupid I was" b/c I did not get some info. fast enough. This is what takes place behind door (if I 'catch it') ... before the emergence of the actor - who shows up 'all pleasant' shortly after. Well, 'duh' if you helped MORE, maybe I could do, remember, follow up >> MORE! I CAN"T DO EVERYTHING!
Then his buddy called about 'plans, & it turns into a victim thing (of course). He's used up his $ so he couldn't go 'wherever'... (I really don't care). He goes on with more of the victim thing - "Wishes he could just get out of here." He goes on - it's a "tough sitch" (he's going on & on - oh! for pete's sake, cry me a river already) but has "NO WHERE TO STAY". I hear the disdain for me in spite of the 'front' he regularly presents ... he hates me, & like BF, I don't know what I did to him that was soo blinking terrible & cruel.
I could have thrown him out - I knew he would be homeless. My mother often said "do the right thing" - that way you won't be at war with your conscience down the road when it catchs up (!!) with you (I shouldn't have taken Mom's advice). I could not do this to him & of much GREATER IMPORTANCE, I could not to my child (after so many events have already 'broken' my child. i want 'rest' for my munchkin - time to heal before yet another life event ... so I tried this).
He shows one side under certain conditions and an entirely different side - I left as the malicious talk about me continued. All this - he does nothing and gets ALL his needs met. I love my child but as I walked away - I just thought this is too much. Somehow detaching isn't an effective tool for me right now (feels overrated). However, dragging his butt out and beating the ^%^$% ... well, I will not go there. I just feel rotten. He's being very 2-faced. Crazy ...
I noted that he was interested in my being a partner re: a venture he has, got his copyrights etc (no $$ upfront from me, wasn't getting it anyway ). Anyway, I found it interesting that he did not ask his relatives or 'new found' buddies. It's odd they know who they can trust or NOT - human nature has such a long, long way to go ...
I'm going to sleep. Am tired - a good nght's rest is what I need. Have to sleep on it - Que boundaries? or Homeless dad? Maybe I'll flip a coin ... boundaries? will work better for kid homeless dad - Oh gosh, BUT this one really works for MOI!! Yeah!
pbetra ---- M: 15 yrs (in 2014) BD: 6/03/2014 Infidelity ('known' from July 2014) Denied PA Feb 2015 2 leave Mar 2015 (left early Summer). Some contact. Back briefly 2017 (after family death) Separated 2017
Been reading info. from all over the 
with the fallout from the mlc bomb. Emotional (!), fearful & NO one to talk with ...
. Colds, infections etc - more stuff to pile on my plate!
). Anyway, I found it interesting that he did not ask his relatives or 'new found' buddies. It's odd they know who they can trust or NOT - human nature has such a long, long way to go ...
