Wife Still in MLC but has now left #3

[TSquared2]

To add to AJ's wisdom ^^^^...
Matt, remember that Mach guy? Those questions he, AJ, myself and others were asking you...those "wtf?", brain hurting, unfair and annoying questions, back when you first started posting?

Those questions were designed to get you to where AJ said you need to be ^^^^.

You are at a pivotal moment in your life right freaking NOW...how you handle this will either haunt you with regret the rest of your life, or be one of the most positive, pivotal changes in your life, that you can look back on with peace, and maybe some pride.

NOW you need to figure out what kind of man, father, human being you are, want to be and are going to be.

And those questions we threw at you in the beginning?

They are your path to discovering that.

I am asking you to go back to your first threads, find those questions, print them up if you have to, one post per page, and REALLY look into that dude in the mirror.

Your stbxw has no say in who that dude in the mirror becomes any more.

It's ALL on YOU now.

I'm going to re-post from my thread my response to you and Mighty:

Matt and Mighty, some realizations came to me since June, granted I've had 3 years (BD #1 anniversary this month) to come to terms with the possible loss of my M, these still came fast and hard, because though I don't easily quit, once I do get to the point of futility, I drop the rope fast and hard. Here is what came to me:

She's gone.

I need to heal, I have kids full time, work 40-60 hours a week, I am taxi and school bus service, and I have a disaster of a house to remedy, etc... Like the Van Halen line from the song "Ain't Talking About Love" goes... "I got no time to mess around..."

I had to see my life without her, hard as that was.

My healing has nothing to do with her anymore.

Nothing she can do or say is going to change how I feel. It's about me.

It's up to ME.

So I re-framed this into "as if" she died.

Absolutely no chance of reconciliation, her changing her mind, etc.

How does that change how I feel?

How does that change MY ACTIONS in recovering, healing myself and my kids, getting to the needful?

Life is for the living, and my kids and I are far too blessed to be waiting around for a ghost to maybe re-appear and be re-incorporate, meanwhile life passes by.

That mindset change gave me strength and determination to do the right things for my sons and myself. To tackle the hoarders hoard, organize, super-clean, create the NEW normal in a positive, healthy way. My kids deserved it, and it was completely up to ME to make it happen.

You can do this.